This may offend some of you, and for that I am sorry. However, it has to be said.
Every Sunday I arrive to the downtown library around 6:45, because I begin working at 7. I have to change before I get there, which is why I arrive early. Of course it would make sense that I would have to change in the (public) bathrooms that are available on each floor of the library.
My journey begins on the 4th floor, because this is where I report for work. A little annoyed at what I know is to come, I begin walking in to the bathroom. To my surprise (not really) the stalls are occupied by men taking gigantic man-dumps. Stop it.
This is where my frustration mutates in to an issue.
Because…now, not only have I been neglected two perfectly fine stalls, but I now have the following pathetic options (and I don’t deal well with ultimatums in public settings):
A) I can stand around awkwardly in the bathroom while I sniff the human methane that is suffocating me, and wait until one of them becomes unoccupied…in which case, it’s INCREDIBELY awkward because you don’t just want to smile and be like, “Hi. Excuse me. Thanks! I’m just going to walk right in to this stall you just stunk up and breathe really hard. No, yeah, it doesn’t smell that bad. It’s fine. No really, it’s fine I don’t mind it at all,” and walk in to the cloud of ass that remains and is lingering behind.
B) I can just exit the bathroom, and go to another floor where the possibility of the same exact situation looms. However, this option requires AT LEAST one required flight of stairs to climb. I’m sorry but I’m not walking anymore flights of stairs on this campus if I can help it. I shouldn’t put myself through some sort of physical disturbance just because some guy from southern West Virginia is pushing a calf out in one of the stalls and creating some sort of mini-hazard zone. I’m sorry. I’m not going to do that.
Regardless of what option I choose, I’m in a bad situation. If I take option A, then it speaks for itself. If I take option B, then okay yeah, a stall might be open, but odds are there are some lingering odors that I’m going to have to deal with anyway. And, let’s not get in to the possibility of a clogged toilet.
I guess of course I could just always change before I get there but I am always in a rush to get there because I need to find a parking space. Speaking of which, I got my third parking citation today in 3 weeks. The new total is up to like 10 or 50…somewhere in there.
Anyway, for further reference…
Guys: Please stop taking dumps in the library. I mean if it’s an emergency, then it makes sense. But stop reading the paper in there. Stop text messaging in there. Stop picking your nose in there. Stop listening to your iPod in there. Stop reading the book you just checked out in the lobby in there. Just don’t. It’s gross, and it creates very disgusting and awkward feelings for most of us that use it for alternative purposes.
Bottom line: You just don’t take a shit in public.
So, next time, get it all out before you get to the library. Read the book you just checked out, when you get home. Everything will be just fine!
Does this qualify as a G-Thought? 🙂