Happy Johnnukkah! – Everything You Need To Know January 11, 2011

Everyone thinks that after New Year’s the holidays are over. But that’s simply not the case. The holy festival of Johnnukkah begins every year on January 10th. Here are some things you need to know about these holy weeks.

What is Johnnukkah?
Johnnukkah is a festival of presents. Given to me each day for 2 weeks before AND after my birthday. Seeing that I was born unto this world on January 24th, Johnnukkah begins at dawn every year on January 1oth and ends at dusk on Feburary 7th.

Who the F*** celebrates Johnnukkah?
So far, I am the only person that celebrates Johnnukkah. And that’s alright by me. I just hope that eventually it’ll catch on…like the pickle claw.

Why was Johnnukkah created?
Mainly for me to get presents every day. For 4 weeks.

What food do you eat during Johnnukkah?
Unicorn meat. Gummy bears. Lucky Charms marshmallows. Chick Fil A sweet tea Anything from Chick Fil A. Glitter sandwiches.

What are some things I can do to observe the 4 weeks of Johnnukkah on my own if I can’t send you a present?
Well you should really send me a present every day for 2 weeks before and after my birthday. But if times are tough, I understand hope you find a way to make it happen. However, some activities that you could do to celebrate Johnnukkah are:

• dance
• watch OWN
• LOL
• listen to Lady Gaga on full blast and try to do the dances
• tweet
• listen to Rosie Radio on Sirius 102 XM 135.
• play with your iPhone
• play tennis
• nap all day long
• wear sweatpants in public
• order food at a restaurant with a British accent
• stare at MacBooks on the online Apple store

Don’t you think this is conceited, John?
Um no. I don’t. I like presents.

So mark your calendars folks because Johnnukkah is in full force today!!! WHAT DID YOU GET ME!?